BANGERS4BEN is Car Dealer Magazine’s big money-raising car rally for the automotive industry charity.

BEN provides benevolence to those who need it, which takes serious funds. Hence, the Car Dealer Magazine challenge. MkII.

Plan? Buy an old banger, for £250, then drive it to John O’Groats. And back. No, it doesn’t sound at all simple. Despite this, a record 30 teams entered the challenge this year.

Including Hyundai’s PR office. And, having bought a ‘classic’ £250 Hyundai XG30 – aka Hyundai’s Rolls-Royce – the crew decided a little tweaking was called for.

Result? Brilliance. Utter genius. A triumph.

What? The Hyundai Hy-Roller, that’s what. This is not just any Hyundai XG30. This is a… Hyundai Hyundai XG30.

It’s been given:

•    2-tone paint
•    Silver ‘chrome’ grille
•    ‘Spirit of Ecstasy’ (or, for pedants, a spray-painted Barbie)
•    Smart alloy wheels off a Hyundai Motor Show car
•    Ribbons on the bonnet
•    A be-capped driver and top-hatted ‘groom’
•    A bride in the back (don’t fancy yours much, Mike, etc)

Yes – Hyundai’s PR top man Tom has turned it into a wedding express! Complete with Hyundai badge for his cap, and the grizzliest-looking blow-up bride you ever did see. Total magnificence.

Detailing, from the Rolls-style silver bonnet, to the chrome stick-on frames for the frameless (!) doors, is exquisite.

Where are they now? Somewhere north of Inverness, en route to John O’Groats.

There is no missing them. Meaning that Hyundai, in one fell swoop, shows the entire country its human side is a blimmin’ funny one.

Question is, are they coming back via Gretna Green?

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Matthew Kidd, sales chief for Alpina GB, dropped me a line after reading my post on the new Alpina D3 Bi-Turbo. It’s even more of a machine than I first thought!

As he says, ‘this is no simple chip-tune’. Engine software, for example, is completely bespoke to Alpina – written from scratch by the tech guys, and downloaded into the car on the regular BMW production line.

It even has its own engine wiring loom.

All this is why the 123d’s 2.0-litre twin-turbo enjoys such a power boost. But, here’s something: the bigger Bi-Turbo actually weighs less than the 123d! What’s more, at 1480kgs, it’s also 25kg lighter than the 325d.

Where it matters: up front.

It also has those distinctive big Alpina wheels, but they hide far more besides. The suspension comprises:

· Stabilisers from M Cars

· Secondary springs from the 335d

· Unique camber, caster and rolling radios

· Unique primary springs

· Bespoke settings for each variant – saloon, Touring and Coupe D3

Less than 100 saloons will be sold a year. The Touring and Coupe will be even rarer – ‘just a handful’.

Matthew’s invited me up to Sytner HQ in Nottingham, to test drive it for MSN Cars and Car Dealer Magazine (Alpina’s 14-strong UK retailer network will certainly be interested!).

When I can get up there, look out for more on how it fares on the road!